Quoted: Is that really relevant?
by Uber Flare
Summary: An oddly-written, irrelevant quote-style parody involving underwear longevity, arm snacks, gender confusion, and the promotion to Chief of Hogwash. Chapter 3 up!
1. Target underwear and delicious arms

Disclaimer:

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

I don't own FMA

But neither do you

Author's Note: Yeah, well…I know this parody is really weird. It's supposed to be that way. I once noticed that there was too much dialogue and not enough describing of anything else in one of my stories. I figured that I could write something TOTALLY dialogue. So here it is. Most of the time, you will have no clue who's talking, but if there's a joke involving a character, you'll get who it is. Once again, this is a parody, so expect OoC-ness. I hope you enjoy!

"Hi."

"Hi."

"I'm bored."

"Me too."

"What do you want to do?"

"Go shopping."

"Why?"

"Because I'm a woman." (I'm female…so don't take this badly.)

"Fine. Where do you want to go?"

"Let's go to Ross." (Three guesses who this is!)

"Why?"

"It's cool. My parents own it. It's been passed down my family for-"

"ROSS IS TURNING INTO ARMSTRONG! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Very funny."

"Hi guys."

"Hi."

"What where you talking about?"

"Shopping."

"I like Target."

"Because it's cheap?"

"Yeah. But they have pretty nice stuff. I like the underwear."

"The underwear?"

"Yeah. The quality is great. It lasts a lot longer than underwear from the mall."

"Why are we talking about underwear longevity? Is that really relevant?"

"No."

"I love squirrels."

"Are squirrels really relevant?"

"No."

"Hi guys. Notice anything different about me?"

"No."

"I'm wearing new underwear."

"How would we notice this?"

"It's giving off this good vibe, you know?"

"HE'S TURNING INTO A HIPPIE! AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Will you STOP DOING THAT?"

"Where'd you get the underwear?"

"Target."

"Yes! High five!"

"I'm leaving. You guys are stupid."

"Okay. Bye."

"Let's go to Target!"

"Hiiiiiiiii…"

"Ah! It's Gluttony! Shoot him!"

"Bang-bang-bang-bang-bang!"

"Is it really necessary for you to make gun noises?"

"No. I'm sorry."

"Let's go to McDonald's!"

"No, Gluttony."

"Can I eat you?"

"Eat Armstrong. We don't like him."

"My techniques have been passed down the Armstrong line for generations! I cannot lose!"

"Armstrong is turning into Ross! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Shut UP!"

"I'm going to eat you…"

"Never!"

"Ha! My…uh…"

"Blubber?"

"My blubber has absorbed your punch! I WILL EAT YOU!"

"Noooooooooooooooooooo! I'm too buff to die! Pretty boys DO die young!"

"….Pretty?"

"…Young?"

"Eat your arm or something!"

"Okay…OW! It hurts…but it's so yummy! Rararararararararara!"

"He's actually eating his own arm?"

"Maybe we can just have him kill himself by eating his own head."

"I don't think you can eat your own head."

"I can eat yoooooooooour head…"

"No. Eat your other arm."


	2. Girlfriend?

Disclaimer:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I don't own FMA

But neither do you

This chapter is brought to you by: Strange Thoughts in the Middle of the Night!

"Hey guys! Guess what? I have a girlfriend!"

"Havoc has a girlfriend! OMG! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!"

"Are you the same annoying guy who kept yelling that someone was turning into some else, aaaaaaaaahh?"

"That's me."

"So, where's your girlfriend?"

"She's coming. She'll be walking around the corner any minute."

"Okay."

"Can't wait to see her."

"Yeah."

"OMG! Hawkeye is your girlfriend? AHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Hey Roy, you okay? There's like, foam coming out of your mouth."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Roy! Don't strangle Havoc!"

"I'm GoInG tO kILL yOu!"

"Hawkeye, are you actually Havoc's girlfriend?"

"Eew! No!"

"What?"

"Thank you for LETTING GO OF MY THROAT. No, that's not her."

"Hi everyone."

"There she is."

"That's a girl? That looks like a girly _dude._"

"It's obviously a girl, man."

"I'd say neither. Your girlfriend's an it."

"Male!"

"Female!"

"It!"

"**It's male."**

"Whoa! Who are you?"

"**Flare. The authoress."**

"What do you want?"

"**Nothin'. Just saying it's a dude.**

"Ha! I was right!"

"It's wearing a SKIRT and BELLY-BUTTON SHIRT!"

"It looks like a palm tree."

**"It's my personal philosophy that it's both, but according to the producers, it's a guy."**

"Ha! Havoc has a boyfriend!"

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Let's laugh at his humiliation!"

"So, um, Jean, if you don't need me any more, I guess I'll leave."

"You can go. (sigh)"

"'Kay. Bye."

"YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND!"

"HA HA HA HA!"

"He looked like a girl…"

"YOU HAD A BOYFRIEND THAT LOOKED LIKE A GIRL!"

"ARRRGRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

_A/N: Yeah. I had too much sugary junk…can you tell? And, as mentioned earlier, I couldn't fall asleep until nearly midnight Sunday night, so these strange thoughts invaded my head…So it likely doesn't make sense and/or isn't funny. You know, I got more reviews in that one stupid chapter than in any other story I've written (and they're all serious. Huh._

_I have some individual notes._

_Koneko: Neither Ed nor Winry were recognizably in it…because I said, "Eat your other arm?" Is that why you thought so?_

_O.O: I agree, it is confusing, huh? Was Hawkeye in it? The one with the gun could have been anyone, since the whole military has 'em._

_Shale: YAY STUPID RANDOMNESS!_

_Me: I'm glad you thought it was funny. I like Target. It has giant soft pretzels and cheap notebooks._

_Yeah, you can tell I'm bored if I have nothing better to do than right two chapters in two days and write notes to everyone who reviewed._


	3. Scary Stories

Disclaimer:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I don't own FMA

But neither do you.

_A/N: Yay! People like it! I'm SO HAPPY! –squeals and glomps everyone who reviewed- Well, if you don't always get it, it's supposed to be like that. Or it turned out that way. It made sense to me as I wrote it, buy I can see how confusing it is. I think it adds to the randomness. Anyway, this is my favorite chapter so far, so enjoy it! _

This chapter is brought to you by: Height from Excessive Consumption of Lemonhead and Sqwish, the Red Gummy Fish of Doom! (Don't get what I mean by "height"? Turn it into an adjective. If you are at a great height, you are very .)

"It's raining outside."

"So I've noticed."

"And there's lightning and stuff."

"I see that."

"And it's nighttime, so there's a spooky archetype."

"I GET IT! I'M NOT BLIND! I CAN SEE WHAT'S GOING ON! EVERYONE CAN!"

"The audience can't."

"**Yeah, it's for the audience's sake. So suck it up and deal."**

"Flare? Why the heck are you following us around?"

"**I'm writing this story."**

"So you're writing a conversation between yourself and us fictional characters?"

"**That's right."**

"That's pretty pathetic."

"Are you schizophrenic or something?"

"…**no. Don't look at us like that."**

"I can't see you."

"**That's right. I'm hiding."**

"What happened to the we?"

"**It's humorous…or something."**

"You really do get a kick out of writing this ludicrous, illogical, irrational, inane balderdash, don't you?"

"**I'm having fun with a thesaurus."**

"Okay. So, we're in this little dark living room around a campfire…for some…reason…and it's dark and rainy and there's thunder and lightning and it's scary."

"**Thank you for explaining to our audience. Promotion for you. You are now Chief of Hogwash."**

"Whoo! Pig king!"

"So…what ridicule must we endure today?"

"**We'll be telling scary stories."**

"Wonderful."

"Oh! I forgot to mention, but like, five other people from FMA are here. In this…strangely large living room."

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Yo."

"Wassup."

"Hello."

"**Thank you, Chief of Hogwash."**

"You're welcome. Say, can you tell me who I am? As the Chief of Hogwash, I'd like to know my name."

"**Sure. You're…Barry the Chopper."**

"_Barry the Chopper_? You picked _Barry the Chopper_ to be the highest ranking of us little pawns in this so-called story!"

"**Yeah…he's the most random, idiotic guy I could think of."**

"Barry the Chopper is in a living room with all of us?"

"**I took away his cleaver. Magically."**

"Awwwwwww…" 

"Flare…you just ran out of the closet, threw it out the window, then ran back into the closet."

"**Er…I'm still magical. Because I can see you THROUGH THE DOOR!"**

"Hey, what's that thing coming out of the top of a submarine?"

"A periscope, Barry?"

"That's Chief Barry! Anyway, one's sticking out of the wall."

**"…"**

"So, is there any sort of plot for this chapter?" 

"**No. It's over."**

"Yes!" 

"**I lied. We're going to tell scary stories."**

"Fine…" 

"**I get to go first!"**

"Okaaaay…just finish quickly so I can leave." 

"**Once upon a time there was…A PUPPY!"**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"**Chill out, Breda. It's not even the scary part yet. Heh. Breda. Sounds like a cheese. Anyway, it wasn't a normal puppy…BUT A WEREPUPPY!"**

"That's it. I'm leaving."

"**You can't leave!"**

"I will anyway."

"**You're fired!"**

"You can't fire me! I quit!" 

"**You can't quit! You no longer work for me!"**

"I'm going."

And so, Mr. Someone-Sensible ran out into the rain, glad that his fetters had been dropped, and he had been freed of Flare's terrible bondage. He skipped about, oblivious of everything else but very, very happy. That is, until a car ran him over…

"**That's why you shouldn't leave me. MWAH HA HA HA HA !"**


End file.
